#12. The victory speech.

Thibault Jacobs: “Write the victory speech for the biggest cauliflower of the year”.

Hello, fellow farmers.

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that his field is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of big vegetables is alive in our time, who still questions the power of human poop, tonight is your answer.

I’m proud of what I’ve achieved with my human waste fertilizer, but I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to the people.

I was never the likeliest candidate. I didn’t have enough poop to grow a 25 kilo vegetable. My cauliflower was not hatched in my toilet. It began in the bathrooms of Des Moines and the outhouses of Concord and the lavatories of Charleston. It was grown by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give 5 and 10 and 20 grams of poop to the cause. It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their poop getting lost in diapers. It drew strength from the not-so-young people who rejected the myth of their poop getting lost in diapers. And from the millions of people who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a cauliflower of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth. This is your victory.

Fellow farmers, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves – if our children should live to see the next century, what cauliflowers will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless human poop.

Published by:

Martijn Beckers

I’m Martijn. One day I hope to become a succesful writer of some sort. A novelist, maybe. Or a columnist, a journalist or an advertising copywriter. I haven’t figured that part out yet. What I do know, however, is that practice makes perfect. You know what they say: 10,000 hours of deliberate exercise. Or 365 days, in this case.

Categories English, Long, Thibault Jacobs